I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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