I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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