My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
