I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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