my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
