so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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