So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
