I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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