I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
