i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
