You're completely useless in the revolution.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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