i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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