that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
