i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
