why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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