I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
