Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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