someone threw a dead crab at me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
