Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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