accomplished twins. life is a go
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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