This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
