it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Is Oprah even human
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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