It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
