Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
