He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
