If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
