Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
