Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is the high leading the old right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
