You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
