my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
