and she was petting her beer can
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
