i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
