I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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