'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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