chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Randomize
