maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
