I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
