So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
