about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
