i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
