why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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