She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize