her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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