Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
