i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
