I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
