I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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