He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
