Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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