Don't make out with my wife yet
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Alive.
So much puke
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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