wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
