Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
