Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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