Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
