He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
