Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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