i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
