my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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