New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize