Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
