so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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