I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
birth control should be required to get into college
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As shirtless as possible
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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